Memories of the Past
by Cutesy Lolita Elizabeth
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive is a very dignified earl. Because of this, he refuses to show any kind of weakness to others. This especially included crying like a baby, which he had never even done in front of Sebastian. Some days, though, he had to excuse himself from his work, lock his door, curl up in bed, and just cry. Unfortunately, Elizabeth had come to visit on one of these days.


**Author's note: sdkfhskdjfhsjkd I'm so sorry this sucks. I threw it together in less than two hours, so I may have accidentally screwed a few things.**

**Oh, and, I also have this idea that, considering the fact he seemed so incredibly attached to his parents, he might refer to them as "Mummy" and "Daddy" in his head. So yeah~ Please try to enjoy~**

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Ciel Phantomhive was a very dignified earl. Because of this, he refused to show any kind of weakness to others. This especially included crying like a baby, which he had never even done in front of Sebastian. Some days, though, he had to excuse himself from his work, lock his door, curl up in bed, and just cry.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth had come to visit on one of these days.

"Checkmate," Ciel said, just as emotionlessly as always, as he moved his queen in such a way that eliminated any chances of Elizabeth being able to win the game. That would be his fourteenth consecutive win that afternoon. "That's another win for me." He took another bite of his slice of chocolate cake, then rested his cheek on his fist.

"This game is so hard!" Elizabeth complained, but the smile she had on her face the whole afternoon didn't fade. "Oh, well, I guess I can't expect to be able to beat you just yet! But I'll keep practicing until I'm just as good as you, so then we can have fair matches. It'll be so much more fun~!"

_That's exactly what I would say to Mummy when she beat me at this game,_ Ciel thought.

"I'm sure it will," Ciel responded. "You're picking up the skills faster than I thought you would, so maybe I'll have someone else who's a match for me soon."

_And that's exactly how Mummy would respond when I said that. In a lighter, kinder tone, but it's the same thing nonetheless..._

"Do you want to play again? I'm starting to love this game, even though I can never win."

"Of course. I can see you're improving, so I suppose another game should be fun. You make your moves so quickly, though. Give yourself some time to think and strategize and you'll have a better chance at winning."

_And that's the advice Daddy gave me..._

"Ciel..." Elizabeth's cheerful expression dissolved into one of concern. "Is there something wrong? You look like you're in pain."

No, no, no, no. Ciel had already felt like he might break down right then and there because of the thoughts going through his head, but the words that came out of Elizabeth's mouth somehow made that feeling plenty worse.

He got to his feet and went to leave the room. "I'm going to use the loo. I'll be back in a couple minutes." He managed to keep his pace normal until he was out of his fiancee's sight, then he sped up. He wouldn't be able to cry himself to sleep, no, but there was another trick he used when he felt like that was the best option.

When Ciel got to the bathroom, he closed the door and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. He needed to be quick about it, since he had told Elizabeth he'd be back within a few minutes.

He shoved two of his fingers down his throat, causing him to gag violently, but he continued prodding and pressing his uvula until he could feel a painfully acidic pool form in the back of his throat. It caused a stinging sensation, but after the first few times he had resorted to this method, the pain stopped bothering him. He shoved his fingers a bit farther into his throat for a moment or two, causing a few mouthfuls of whatever could be expelled from his stomach to be forcefully thrown up into the toilet. It still hurt, he would admit, but it was calming in a way he would never be able to explain, so he shoved his fingers back into his mouth and slightly into his throat.

"C-C-Ciel...?"

Ciel heard Elizabeth quietly whisper his name and he instantly jerked his hand out of his mouth. The shock and fear of getting caught made him feel lightheaded and dizzy, and for once, he couldn't even think of a way to respond to the situation he was in.

"Ciel, what are you doing?" She got down on the ground next to her fiance and rubbed his back. "I came to see if you were all right, since it's been almost fifteen minutes, and when I heard you being sick, I thought I should do something to help you, but I didn't...I didn't think I'd find you making yourself sick..." Her voice gradually dropped to a whisper and it was easy to tell from how it cracked and shook that she was about to cry.

"It's a long story," Ciel muttered. "A story I don't feel like talking about."

"All right, then." She stood up and leaned against the side of the doorway. "SEBASTIAN! PLEASE COME QUICKLY!"

"What the devil are you thinking?!" Ciel snapped, immediately lifting his head to glare at Elizabeth. "No one else can know about this, _ever_."

Elizabeth shut and locked the door instantly. "NEVER MIND! SORRY I BOTHERED YOU! I THOUGHT I NEEDED YOU TO FETCH ME SOMETHING, BUT I DIDN'T!" She turned back to Ciel. "I know you don't like to talk about your problems, but we're going to be married, and I really love you, Ciel. I don't want to see you hurting like this, so just tell me what's wrong."

"Fine. You've already figured out this much..." Ciel shifted his position so that he was slumped against one of the bathroom walls and wiped his mouth off on the sleeve of his shirt. "Occasionally I think about my parents a bit too much. I couldn't very well excuse myself to go to bed with you over, and I'd never been caught doing this before."

"You could have just told me." She cupped Ciel's face in her hands and made him look her in the eye. "I want us to go through our problems together, just like a good couple should. I want to make you happy, Ciel, but I don't think I can if you keep things like this from me."

A very faint smile pulled at the corners of Ciel's mouth. "The love you have for me remains just as strong as always, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does. I'll always love you." She gently placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you more than anything in the world, and that's how I'll always feel."

To Elizabeth's absolute surprise, Ciel gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "I love you, too, Elizabeth..."

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**Author's note: Now that it's over, I will be willing to stand in front of any airborne projectiles that are thrown in my general direction. Just try to avoid hitting me in such a way that blood gets on my new shoes.**

**Now feel free to point out all the crappiness and OOCness, because I already know this sucks. U_U I'm sorry that this story probably raped your brain. Again, beat me however you'd like as long as there's not going to be any blood soiling my shoes.**


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